The six sounds, reviewed

Every card carries one sound, and your friend hears it exactly once per tap. Choosing it is the most important decision in the whole process. Here are the six, in order of how much explaining you will have to do afterwards.

Silent-ish

Play Silent-ish 0.4 seconds

Subtle was the intention. At 0.4 seconds it is over before anyone can assign blame. Pick it for coworkers, new friends and anyone whose opinion of you is still forming. It is the sound of someone trying very hard, and almost making it.

The Squeaker

Play The Squeaker 0.6 seconds

Tiny, but full of opinions. Six tenths of a second, pitched somewhere between a balloon and a complaint. This is the one for birthdays, because it sounds like a party favor that has given up. Pairs beautifully with Sir Toots, who has absolutely no regrets.

The Classic

Play The Classic 1.2 seconds

A timeless little trumpet. 1.2 seconds, perfectly rounded, no surprises. If you have never dropped a fart before, start here. It says "thinking of you" in the only language the body truly understands. The Classic is also the default, which tells you everything about our standards.

Wet & Wild

Play Wet & Wild 2.1 seconds

A questionable life choice, and we say that as the people who put it on the menu. Two seconds. The name is a warning, not a description. Reserve it for siblings, old roommates and anyone who once did this to you first.

The Atomic

Play The Atomic 4.4 seconds

Go big. Then leave the room. 4.4 seconds of escalating consequences, with a finish that feels like it should come with paperwork. Best sent to the friend who always has the loudest laugh in the group chat. Worst sent to anyone currently in a meeting.

The Long Goodbye

Play The Long Goodbye 6.1 seconds

Really commits to the bit. 6.1 seconds, which is long enough to check the time, question the friendship and come back around to admiration. Nobody picks this one by accident. It is a declaration. Use it for the people who would do the same for you.

The seasonal six

Halloween and Christmas each bring their own set of six, cut to the same shapes. On Halloween you get The Phantom Toot, Witch’s Brew, The Never-ending, The Sneaky Squeak, Count Tootula and The Grave Rumbler. At Christmas it is Jingle Toot, Eggnog Regret, The Yule Log, Silent-ish Night, Brass Bells and Chimney Rumble. Six seasonal sounds. None of them are carols.

How to choose

• Under a second for people you want to keep. Silent-ish or The Squeaker.
• One to two seconds for people who already know you. The Classic or Wet & Wild.
• Four seconds and up for people who started it. The Atomic or The Long Goodbye.
• Still stuck? The builder has a Surprise me button. The universe has questionable taste.

Every sound is free, and every one of them plays only when your friend taps the sealed card. Read how to send a fart for the rest of the delivery, or go straight to the builder and pick your partner in crime.