Fart etiquette, such as it is

A card with a very questionable soundtrack is still a card. Someone opens it, hears it, and learns something about you. So before you make one, a few manners. Not many. Just enough.

Who you can send one to

• Anyone who has done it to you first. Debts must be settled.
• Siblings. They have heard worse from you in a car.
• Old roommates. The statute of limitations never runs out.
• The friend with the loudest laugh. They were built for The Atomic.
• Your partner, on an ordinary Tuesday. Romance is mostly timing.
• Your dad. He will pretend to be annoyed and then play it four times.

Who you should not send one to

• Your boss. Not even with Silent-ish. Especially not with Silent-ish.
• Anyone you met this month. Let them like you first.
• Anyone having a bad week. A card is small. Read the room anyway.
• Your landlord, your dentist, your bank. They have your address.
• Anyone in a meeting right now. The sound waits for a tap, but the tap is theirs to regret.

If you are not sure, you are sure. Pick someone else.

The three rules of the group chat

One link works for the whole chat, which is where the trouble starts.

1. One per thread. The first card is a gift. The second is a habit. The third is a personality.
2. Never during a crisis. If someone is asking for a ride to the airport, the airport wins.
3. Take your return fire. Every opened card has a Send one back button. If you start it, you finish it.

On choosing the sound

The sound is the message. All six are free, and the right one depends entirely on who is opening the card. Under a second for people you want to keep. Six seconds for people who started it. The builder has a Surprise me button for the undecided, and the universe has questionable taste.

On the message

Keep the name right and the note short. You have 160 characters and nobody reads past the sound. If you get stuck, how to write the note has examples by occasion.

On what happens next

The card stays sealed until they tap, and nothing is sent by anyone but you. You copy the link, you choose the chat, you live with the consequences. That is the whole etiquette, really. Mischief with your name on it.